I'm having a hard time convincing myself that I haven't wasted the last two years.

After high school we [my friends, acquaintances] all broke down into categories: those that were going to university, those that were going to try to get into a career, those who were going to do the work thing before attempting university, those that were going off to the army (well, one girl), and then everyone else who was content to just do nothing until they figured out what they really wanted to do.

I was in my own category, the "I was going to TAFE because I didn't get into my preferred university course, but oh wait, maybe I should check QTAC before I move to Brisbane -today-, hey, look at that, I've been offered a different course... accept!" one. So, I was a university student, and within two weeks of being in Brisbane I had landed myself a casual job to go along with the university degree. Except I dropped out of uni, oh, nine days later??

That left me with the casual job. I was only just starting out, and didn't know where to look for full-time work, so I went along with it. And hated it. I felt awkward and incompetent. I tried to resign before my birthday in July but the boss wouldn't have it, but I did have a considerable amount of time off. I went back because the landlords have this thing about us paying rent.

Around August/September, I got pissed off with something my manager did, and went job hunting. Applied to a few jobs but the two I was interviewed for offered me positions, one of which I accepted. I quit, but unfortunately they kept delaying my starting date. After a few weeks I was considerably pissed off, told them I wasn't going to work for them, and went back to my old job (they wanted me back anyways).

Since then, I've had a blast at my job. I don't know how or why it happened, but once I had resigned and I knew I was going somewhere else, I became a lot more confident with myself. Maybe I stopped caring whether everyone liked me, or if I was good at my job. I don't know.

But now I'm in the process of applying for university, and this is where I'm getting doubts about my past two years. What have I accomplished? In short, nothing.

I've (kind of) held down a job, but it's only a casual position and nothing that I have to work my ass off to keep. I just need to show up and not yell at customers/colleagues.

I still don't have my provisional license. I started getting lessons but when I broke my toe I couldn't use my foot very well, making effective use of the clutch quite painful/impossible. I lost my motivation rather quickly afterwards. My tax return this year was meant to go towards lessons - I'm sure I would have gotten my license with it, too - but now that I'm booked in to have a colonoscopy in two weeks, there goes that idea.

I have done JACK SHIT when it comes to acting. Sure, I've sat down and read books and plays and watched films and thought and thought and thought and plotted things out in my head and see ballets and operas and marvelled at the beauty of it all, but what have I actually done? Nothing! I e-mailed so many amature groups asking for more information (like, um, an address??) but got no replies, and haven't taken it any further. I haven't got singing or dancing lessons. I haven't auditioned for anything.

Which brings me to tonight, where I'm doing quite a two things. I've been looking for jobs (something to carry me over until February when I will hopefully be starting university) (and this is more to do with the fact that EVERYONE is resigning from my work because it's gone to shit than anything else). (I should point out that I could now actually take on a full-time position at work, but I really should get the hell out with everyone else). And I've also been busting my chops trying to work out how to apply for university and NOT screw up.

I just hope I get accepted into a course next year. You'd think that, with applying for seven of them, I'd at least get into one. :)