...not on livejournal, anyway.

Now I know you all think that I've been dead. Except for someone who asked me to take her off my friends list. (I don't post make a single post since November and she's all like "please remove me from your friends list". I don't get it? Must be a livejournal thing.)

Anyway, I actually haven't been neglecting livejournal, I've just been in extensive training for the Livejournal Content Strike, which starts at 10am tomorrow morning (that's for Brisbanites, consult http://beckyzoole.livejournal.com/395125.html for specifics).

Basically, just do it, because... Because. Because!... Fuck, just do it. We're all sheep anyway.

In which I am stressed, rambling, and procrastinating doing what I'm obviously meant to be doing.

There was a girl on a Harry Potter community asking for people's opinions on Dumbledore being gay, and me being the big Harry Potter nut and bisexual that I am, put my two cents on the table. Tonight I realise she's finished the article - it can be read here: http://www.rupertised.com/jujutakakala/feature2.php

I like the end part especially....

Whether you love or hate this new revelation, it’s plain to see that the Harry Potter series isn’t going to fade out of public consciousness anytime soon. “The series is great no matter what sexual orientation the characters have,” says Chrissie, 19, from Australia. She also points out one more outcome of Rowling’s announcement, “it's sparked a lot of cool new t-shirts.” After all, if there is one thing we know in the Harry Potter fandom, it’s that you can never have too many t-shirt slogans!

Hah!! Me!! XD

I do feel special, because she got some pretty lengthy answers, but it was mine about t-shirts that gave her the ending to her article. XD

In other news, I went on another "date" tonight. Does seeing a movie count as a date these days? Ah well, it was fun! The date part, not the actual movie. "30 Days of Night" was pretty average. Watch "Hard Candy" instead!

In other other news, my university acting auditions are coming up very soon!

Phooey; I didn't get into Harvest Rain's production of "High School Musical". Unless, of course, they thought I was so good that I didn't need to come back for a call-back, and I'll find out tomorrow that I actually did get in. But I sincerely DOUBT that will happen. Le sigh.

Fortunately my audition experience with them was really, really good! It was a group audition so I couldn't prepare. There was fourteen of us in total. I was probably the oldest girl there, but only by a year or two is my guess. We split rather evenly into two groups - those that could dance and those that couldn't. As for the singing, well, I think we weren't so even there, with the majority being not-so-good singers. But anyhoo. The whole process went for about thirty minutes, which consisted of us learning sixteen bars of a dance from the choreographer, then performing it three times in a row on our own in a group of seven. Then we learn eight bars of one of the songs, formed a line and made groups of two with one person singing the first four bars, then the second the next four. Then we sang it as a group. Then they took the paper away and we sang it as a group trying to "sell ourselves" and be the whole package, etc.

I surprised myself with how good I sounded singing - hope that doesn't sound up myself, but yeah, I did do a good job, and I haven't sung in ages. As for the dancing, ha ha ha, I definitely was not that crash hot, but I kept a smile on my face and was very enthusiastic!! :D

But yeah, overall, really good. I'll definitely try for something else with them again. Perseverance, that's the key! X-Stacy down, High School Musical down... Nothing til my university auditions now!

Oh and I hate my boss for being a total bitch and saying I wasn't allowed to leave half an hour early from work to make it to the call-back on time (if I got one) and then avoiding me and ignoring me all day until she cashed up my register without telling me and said I could go home, to which I was like "Um, I don't need to go, I didn't get a call-back, which you would have known about if you'd actually spoken with me at some point today." I need a new job.

I'm on panadine fifteen, which is just your normal panadol plus codiene but the strongest stuff you can get over the counter, and I'm still in pain.

I have two doctors and can't get an appointment with either of them to get antibiotics for my chest/throat infection.

My boss fucking hates me and takes every opportunity to single me out, treat me like shit and make me feel like an idiot.

My aunty died on Tuesday, and I'm really worried that my mum is going to go into her mid-life crisis because now she's lost her mum and her sister and she thinks she's getting old and death is just around the corner (she's mid-forties).

My housemates think I'm a crazy controlling bitch and don't understand me.

I just want to cry, cry, cry but I can't get it out.

In my second last entry, I had a part in a mini-production of X-Stasy and a throat infection.

In this entry, I've only got one: the throat infection.

Dammit.

Yeah, so, I hadn't heard from either of the girls since I'd txt'd them with my availabilities, but I put it down to it being a student production and maybe they were just a bit unorganised. On the weekend, however, I was getting a bit annoyed about the lack of communication and yesterday I finally sent a polite message to both of them just wanting to know what was going on.

Today I get this reply from Lauren: "so sorry. thought molly called you. u did awesome but your availability didnt match up with our rehearsal times so we cast someone else, but thanks!"

fklfj;f;laf;adka;dak09391!!

Aw, man!

I've been so excited about this because it's been almost two years since I've been in a production, and then to just get an off-hand message saying that I got canned and didn't even get told about it is a bit of a kick in the teeth. I'm really, really disappointed.

But at the same time, I must persevere! I finally picked my audition pieces. Well, I've picked four... I need to pick one more for Griffith yet. Griffith's audition list sucks, though, and they insist that you have to use one of theirs... Meh. Whatever! I'll work it out! XD So yes, one Shakespeare, one modern comedy, one modernish drama, one... old... thing. Lol. Really clued in, aren't i?

I just got home from a party out at Alison's and it's got me thinking about a few things, namely involving "conversation" as the subject suggests. What I'm thinking about is how different aspects of yourself are viewed based on the other people's opinions on what is being discussed. I've tried running this through my head a few times and it's hard to come up with a clear way of explaining this, but I'll have a bash at it.

Tonight, after I got over being recognized by one of Alison's friends as "the girl who was talking really loudly on her mobile on the bus last Wednesday night", I found that a lot of people were commenting on my "intelligence".

In conversation tonight at the party (I only knew two other people; Alison, the host, and Rose, one of my mates that I went along with who knew Alison and one of the other guys) I found that there were a lot of topics that I could contribute to, and, being that we were at a party with a bunch of people I didn't know, I wanted to contribute because I didn't want to be the girl just sitting on the couch drinking Rum by herself all night.

I'm not saying that we had any serious political debates or argued over the price of eggs in China, but things like actors and medical jargon and certain movies ("Hostel" in particular) came up in conversation, and my contribute to the conversation was generally replied with comments like "That was a really intelligent, thought out answer" and "Fucking hell Chrissie you just know SO much random stuff", etc, etc.

But that just brings me to the point of: the "intelligence" of the people around you determines how much they think you are intelligent, if that makes sense... (my cat is standing in front of me as I type so I can no longer see...). I'm not saying that Aliuson's friends weren't intelligence, not at all! I just mean that if these same topics had been brought up (cat's gone now!) at, say, my house, in front of my group of friends, the outcomes and the replies to my contributes probably would have been a lot different.

So while I was, let's face it, a little bit pleased with myself that so many people seem to think I'm a bit cluey, I think it all came down to the company I was in. Does that sound like I'm calling them idiots? That's not my intention. But maybe because they aren't as familiar with these topics they don't have high opinions or knowledge or them, and thus my opinions counted for more than they would have in different company..

I don't know, though. What do you think? How does it work?

I had four missed calls on my mobile this afternoon, plus a voicemail message. It was from Molly, one of the Griffith university girls doing X-Stacy, trying to find out when I'm available for rehersals. Yay! I got a part!!

I did remember to ask in my sms reply which part they'd decided to give me. Figured it was kinda important! XD Haven't heard back yet.

But who cares! I'm in a mini-production of X-Stacy, and I'm feeling damn good about it! Not even this throat infection can get me down!

..okay, that's a bit of a lie. Coughing and hacking your throat up in the form of bright green goo isn't very fun at all.

Um, what else, what else... I think that's it. I went and hired out another massive collection of plays from a library (QUT's Kelving Grove campus this time) and I'm slowly weeding my way through it. I need to pick my Shakespeare piece soon though, ugh... I've only got six options!! How hard can it be!! *headdesk*

I feel like I've got so much going on at the moment.

Kristin had her last day of work on Friday, so that's another employee down (tally: 5). Also, Ann's gone on holiday for the next two weeks so for the time being we'll only have one full-timer in the entire store (poor Jodi). This really blows, because I hate work enough without it being severely handicapped by the fact that the staff they hire being inexperienced kids that management couldn't be fucked training properly at all.

My auditions for university are creeping up on me. I've been reading as many plays as I can get my hands on from the suggested audition pieces lists that the university provides, but I still haven't made decisions on which ones I'm going to do. And I'm so desperately obsessed with the idea of going to university that I really need to start making these decisions and getting ready because I honestly don't know how I'll cope if I'm not doing SOMETHING next year.

Cassie dropped a small bombshell on me by saying that Ralph mentioned to her that he's thinking of moving out, something that I was not expecting and am trying not to think about to much. I honestly don't know how I'd function here without him. I've been living with him for two years now. I guess it was stupid to think that'd we'd live together so long after we broke up, but I thought because we were on the track to becoming good friends in might be for awhile longer.. But that is something I'll just have to deal with when it comes to that. Who knows; if it doesn't happen anytime soon and I get into university, I might be jetting off to Sydney in February or into a share house closer to uni, or.. something. Lots of possibilities.

I've made it my goal for this week to exercise for half an hour every morning, both on my stationary bike and doing crunches.

Unfortunately I still haven't heard back from my audition, but I hope the girls have just been busy... Since I became a part of BAN (Brisbane Actors Network) I have been e-mailed SO many possibilities. And apart from those e-mails, I've heard that a production company in Brisbane is doing "High School Musical". While I've never seen it, I'm will, and then I'll audition for it. I need as much audition practice as I can get. Getting a role is an added bonus. XD

[edit] I forgot I'd posted about my interview with AAMI. Got a rejection e-mail yesterday. I was relieved! I keep swinging back and forward with my job dilemma. I mean, I hate it. It's going to get worse and worse. But seriously, what other job can I get at the moment with a minimum of 30 hours a week that will allow me to do my auditions and leave in February? I have an interview with David Jones on Friday but I'm going to turn it down - a) because the woman was a bit of an insistent bitch about written references, even when I'm like "Look lady, my previous employers have always said that they will be PHONE REFERENCES. They wouldn't provide me with a written reference then, you think they'll do it now?? I don't think so!!" and b) because yeah, couldn't be fucked, really. If I'm going to leave, it has to be for a job that will let me work my ass off to get good money. Retail just ain't that!

I think that's all. Tomorrow I'm going to play soccer, which is pretty exciting.. Haven't done that since I was a kid!

The subject makes it sound as though I've had a few auditions lately, but the last one I did was in November of 2005. So it's been awhile.

Peter got me into the Brisbane Actor's Network, and that basically consists of this guy called Mark who plays as Charlie Chaplian on Queen St Mall sending us out e-mails regularly letting us know what's going on in Brisbane's drama life. I haven't been getting these e-mails for very long, but it's already sent one of my best mates Kasey to an audition for a musical theater gig, and myself to a theater audition at Griffith university.

Which brings me to my story!

I knew Mt Gravatt was a fair trip from Chermside, but it wasn't until I was out on a highway in the middle of no where that I got a bit worried. Fortunately my bus driver was pretty cool and let me know when we reached the university (although by that stage I had figured it out from the big university signs and whatnot, but hey!). I wandered around a bit until I found the building I was looking for (M10) and sat down for 20 minutes until I realised I was meant to be down a level. But I'd gotten there early so I was still ten minutes early to the audition by that stage.

Not long after, two female students walked out of a door and asked if I was there for the audition. Their names are Molly and Lauren. We got chatting and it turned out that the other girl coming in at three had bailed, so we had a bit of a wait until anyone else was going to show up so we just got chatting about the play, home lives, our formals, teachers, etc, basically anything that came up in conversation. They're pretty cool girls. Forty minutes later or so Lauren goes, "Well, you've got the part!" which, while I was pleased, it was a bit of a cop out because I hadn't done anything.

Two other girls, Amy and Mary, showed up shortly after and we hunted down a spare room and got stuck into the audition process. I was the only one that had prepared a piece from the play (two, actually..) whereas Amy hadn't really read the play at all but had another piece prepared and Mary read from the script. We did some tongue twisters to warm up (I was like what the hell, who does this before an audition...), then Amy used Mary as someone to act out to in her piece, then Mary got me to read from the script along with her.

I said I wanted to do my piece the way I had rehearsed it (because Zoe, the character I went in for, didn't have any long monologues as such I'd strung together a page of the play with pauses and reactions and speaking bits. It sounds a bit dodgy but it works, trust me, we do it all the time). And I didn't stuff up, so I was all "Woo!" and I didn't talk to quickly so double "Woo!" because I have a habit of speaking really quickly so I don't forget anything. I'd been drilling "DON'T RUSH DON'T RUSH DON'T RUSH!!" into my skull all day. And rather than have another actor stand up to direct my acting towards, I used Lauren and Molly because they were sitting in front of me. I don't know if that's a good or a bad idea, but when I auditioned for QUT they asked me to direct my acting towards the student that was sitting in front of me, beside the lecturer or whoever he was, rather than just speaking to the air.

Anyway, I do think I did well, and they clapped and Lauren laughed and said it was funny or whatever, which works because the scene ends with "By the way, don't call me babe. Dickhead." which I think I nailed, ha ha ha.

Then the three of us did an exercise together that Molly and Lauren provided.

A: Well
B: Well I'm here
A: So I see
B: Yes
A: Well
B: Is that all you can say
A: What do you want me to say
B: Nothing
A: Nothing
B: You don't trust me
A: It's not that
B: Then what

That's ALL we got to work with, and from that we had to try to make the scene and the characters and what was going on obvious. Pretty cool I thought. We made it as an employee who had tried to crack onto her boss and then was bailing on the idea. Mary and Amy acted that out.

After that, we did a group reading, all playing different characters than we had auditioned for. (I should point out that when Amy and I introduced ourselves and got chatting she said she was auditioning for Zoe, like me, but said she didn't care.) We read through it once together, then went and did it. We all seemed to click very well. Again, I thought I did a good job because I made distinct differences when I changed characters whereas I don't think Amy did it quite as well.

But maybe I'm just completely up myself, lol, I don't know. They are both definitely good actors. After we did that reading and we were finishing up I said I'd been happy to play any of the female characters. I didn't think that before the audition but after doing the reading I think I need to give myself a little bit of credit and realise that yeah, I could probably do them as well.

Afterwards I went to my friend Tim's house and gave him the play because he said he was interested, and he's going to audition tomorrow. It'd be so cool if we both got in!! I assume I'll find out tomorrow or Wednesday. I'm not taking Lauren's initial yes as offcial.

I'm pretty excited though at the prospect of being in a production. It's been awhile. Plus, one of the women who will be watching and assessing the performance is one of the women that is apart of the audition process to get into Griffith. I'm applying to go to university there next year, so maybe if I do a good job this will all work in my favour a little bit better than just experience. Not that experience alone wouldn't be a great thing!!

PS: SO EXCITED ABOUT SEEING PHANTOM OF THE OPERA AT THE LYRIC THEATER!! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

I just finished my first phone interview ever, and the first step towards employment as a customer call service operator through AAMI. I think I communicate well over the phone when the person on the end is a customer (or, y'know, a friend!) but when it's a potential employer... not so well. I don't think I did bad, I just think that not being able to see their facial reactions and body language places so much emphasis on tone. I'm probably just over-reacting and this is just coming from the nerves I had.

I feel really lost at the moment. I know where I want to be, but I just don't know how to get there.

I know I want to go to university (or TAFE, whatever I get accepted into) next year because I'm sick of going no where. Some people aren't interested in studying but I am. It's all I'm thinking about. But I need money to apply to university, to move to Sydney if I actually strike gold and get into NIDA, even just to live when studying full-time. Money isn't a problem as long as you have a job, which I have, but I hate it! Tomorrow we lose another full-timer, and then another next Friday. That makes five people that have resigned in the last few weeks, thanks to our new management. Which is why I have been job hunting.

Except it's becoming extremely difficult to find a casual position that offers 30+ hours a week because no one wants to pay us the overtime (understandably, I guess). That's why Tradies became such a sweet deal because I became a casual with full-time hours. But then new manager came along and, despite being told that my hours wouldn't change, my hours changed.

Hardly anywhere seems to take part-time employees anymore (I don't think that'd be enough hours anyway) so that leaves me with full-time employment, which is almost just as hard to find when you say, "By the way, I require a fair few days off in November for auditions that'll hopefully get me into full-time university come February". No one wants to hire someone, train them up, and then lose them in five months time. (Again, understandably.)

All I want to do is start studying.

So, Brisbanites, seen any jobs going?

PS: Had my colonoscopy yesterday. Apparently all is good!

I'm having a hard time convincing myself that I haven't wasted the last two years.

After high school we [my friends, acquaintances] all broke down into categories: those that were going to university, those that were going to try to get into a career, those who were going to do the work thing before attempting university, those that were going off to the army (well, one girl), and then everyone else who was content to just do nothing until they figured out what they really wanted to do.

I was in my own category, the "I was going to TAFE because I didn't get into my preferred university course, but oh wait, maybe I should check QTAC before I move to Brisbane -today-, hey, look at that, I've been offered a different course... accept!" one. So, I was a university student, and within two weeks of being in Brisbane I had landed myself a casual job to go along with the university degree. Except I dropped out of uni, oh, nine days later??

That left me with the casual job. I was only just starting out, and didn't know where to look for full-time work, so I went along with it. And hated it. I felt awkward and incompetent. I tried to resign before my birthday in July but the boss wouldn't have it, but I did have a considerable amount of time off. I went back because the landlords have this thing about us paying rent.

Around August/September, I got pissed off with something my manager did, and went job hunting. Applied to a few jobs but the two I was interviewed for offered me positions, one of which I accepted. I quit, but unfortunately they kept delaying my starting date. After a few weeks I was considerably pissed off, told them I wasn't going to work for them, and went back to my old job (they wanted me back anyways).

Since then, I've had a blast at my job. I don't know how or why it happened, but once I had resigned and I knew I was going somewhere else, I became a lot more confident with myself. Maybe I stopped caring whether everyone liked me, or if I was good at my job. I don't know.

But now I'm in the process of applying for university, and this is where I'm getting doubts about my past two years. What have I accomplished? In short, nothing.

I've (kind of) held down a job, but it's only a casual position and nothing that I have to work my ass off to keep. I just need to show up and not yell at customers/colleagues.

I still don't have my provisional license. I started getting lessons but when I broke my toe I couldn't use my foot very well, making effective use of the clutch quite painful/impossible. I lost my motivation rather quickly afterwards. My tax return this year was meant to go towards lessons - I'm sure I would have gotten my license with it, too - but now that I'm booked in to have a colonoscopy in two weeks, there goes that idea.

I have done JACK SHIT when it comes to acting. Sure, I've sat down and read books and plays and watched films and thought and thought and thought and plotted things out in my head and see ballets and operas and marvelled at the beauty of it all, but what have I actually done? Nothing! I e-mailed so many amature groups asking for more information (like, um, an address??) but got no replies, and haven't taken it any further. I haven't got singing or dancing lessons. I haven't auditioned for anything.

Which brings me to tonight, where I'm doing quite a two things. I've been looking for jobs (something to carry me over until February when I will hopefully be starting university) (and this is more to do with the fact that EVERYONE is resigning from my work because it's gone to shit than anything else). (I should point out that I could now actually take on a full-time position at work, but I really should get the hell out with everyone else). And I've also been busting my chops trying to work out how to apply for university and NOT screw up.

I just hope I get accepted into a course next year. You'd think that, with applying for seven of them, I'd at least get into one. :)

Early into my shift one day last week I had a customer walk through the door wearing a white tee with the sleeves ripped off, very baggy light coloured cargo pants, a shaved head and a rather monsterous look in his eyes. Eyebrow piercing may have been included. He's caught my gaze as he's walking towards the menswear section and is downright deathstaring me. I've let my eyes wash over him appearing nothing more than faintly interested at the prospect of a customer and return to dusting my registers, but really thinking, "Oh great, it's not even nine-thirty and someone's in here about to flog our shit.", amongst other relatively subconscious thoughts of putting this man down for his style of dress and demeanur and overall being.

Sometime later, the thought of him erased from my mind to be taken place with sorting out clothes and hangers, serving customers, taking way to many telephone calls for so early in the day, I notice that he's lined up behind my current customer. I make a point not to look at him until I'm finished serving, after which he walks up to my desk and breaks into a smile as he places down his soon to be purchases.

"Hi!", he says, still smiling. "How's your morning going?"

Not one to miss a beat, I'm already smiling and chatting away about how it's been busy, which is awesome because it feels like I'll get home early, and that his Astro Boy boxer shorts are only $2.

"Yeah!" he replies. "I noticed that, what a bargain!"

More smiles. When I'm finished and I've handed him the bag, he tells me that he hopes I have a great day and walks off, pausing only to inspect a black rubber duck wearing a red spikey collar before exiting the door, the paper Tradies bag swinging by his side.

I can't remember the last time someone exceeded my expectations of them. And although this might sound terrible to some, it doesn't make me ashamed of my first impressions. I was wrong, but those thoughts are already gone, replaced by the warming personality of this stranger. I'm so thankful for him. I wonder how he would feel knowing that he is unknown to me but for this brief snippet of him that I was blessed to experience, and already it's making me feel, making me think.

ash__x. || Hear the whispered words in this masterpiece, [[beautiful]]___xx. || ---+[ ]+--- says:
hi r u hot

})i({ Butterfly :: says:
I'm STUNNING.

ash__x. || Hear the whispered words in this masterpiece, [[beautiful]]___xx. || ---+[ ]+--- says:
k

})i({ Butterfly :: says:
Who IS this?

ash__x. || Hear the whispered words in this masterpiece, [[beautiful]]___xx. || ---+[ ]+--- says:
chris whos dis

})i({ Butterfly :: says:
Chrissie

ash__x. || Hear the whispered words in this masterpiece, [[beautiful]]___xx. || ---+[ ]+--- says:
lol ur names my name with sie

})i({ Butterfly :: says:
Very observant!

Our tree is absolutely swarming with presents. I'm so excited. AND I'm getting a STOCKING for the first time ever. Ralph is ♥.

Our Christmas Day will be spent squeeing over presents, playing with presents (including our new BBQ), ringing people, eating way too much food, and drinking way too much alcohol.

We will be bringing in the new year with Duaine, Megan and their four month old baby, Dominic. We haven't seen them in over a year (and have obviously never met my godson Dominic) so we're very, very excited.

So Merry Christmas everybody! And a Happy New Year!!!

I broke my toe.

It hurts.

Happy birthday Peter, you sexy stud soon-to-be-housemate whore you. =)

May your day be filled with fun, and joy, and joyness.

And Charlie the Unicorn.

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/280260

Happy birthday Viki. :)

Apparently this describes me perfectly:

scan·dal·ous (skndl-s) Pronunciation Key Audio pronunciation of "scandalous" [P]
adj.

1. Causing scandal; shocking: scandalous behavior.
2. Containing material damaging to reputation; defamatory: a scandalous exposé.

Oh, and Jason retaliated to Matt throwing a condom filled with moisteriser at him by ejaculating into a condom and leaving it on Matt's pillow.

God my friends are sick.

Why couldn't I have been a normal girl who grows up playing with makeup and her stupid hair so by the time she's eighteen and has somewhere fancy to go to she can APPLY HER OWN FUCKING MAKEUP.